Forgotten

2004

When no one seems
to hear your cries
you lay in darkness
until your spirit dies
body aching in agony
knowing someday things
will be better
hoping someday is tomorrow
body stagnant
eyes screaming with their gleam
fading away as if not to be seen
as a ghost - your are unnoticed
you are Forgotten...

A Memory...

2004

You used me...
You hurt me...
You cheated me...
You seduced me...

You secluded me...
You manipulated me...
You changed me...
You played me...

You hated me...
And you'll never admit it...
But in the end...
You loved me...

I'm Here...

2006

Let it out my friend
for you can always use my shoulder to absorb you tears...
I'll always be here
doing my best to dissolve your fears...
No matter what burden you bare
It will always be yours and mine to share...

Drift

2006

I drift upon a soft breeze
Filled with joy from so many things
Though then I found something more
I have true friends that I adore

Though through them all I can feel
A fear that all this will fall
We all are drifting upon the thought
That we are afraid distance will sway us apart

However, the true meaning of friends
is that together, no matter how near
no matter how far, or wherever we are
We all share this heart

So here I drift with a heavy heart
To await the next time we all shall meet
Fate has bonded us from the start
And we will never part, no matter how heavy is our heart.

Frolic

 

2006

Frolic here
frolic there
No one seems to care

Happy here
happy there
My heart flutters fair

Sadness here
sadness there
We all could use some cheer

I am here
you are there
I know we'll be together somewhere.

Attenuate

2006

Imagination holds the existence of all
Of pure, of new, and of old
Of great, of small
Of good and of bad.

Once love ruled this world, and all
Providing phosphorescent lights upon the skies
Though pain has tainted darkness upon this light
And slowly it's fading from our sight

Into our being it pours
Into mine... into yours
It makes us slowly die
Consuming the lovely light from our eyes

Though we aren't helpless yet
Our love stands true
Within me, within you
With a strength that darkness with never get

Though when cornered, all alone
This darkness slowly shatters our souls
I cry out, though all escapes is a whispered whimper
As I am determined not to let it prosper

However, alone I cannot muster
And though my heart shines true
Just like the stars that waver up above
But still, my being is slowly becoming consumed

I reach out for the help of friends
My family of endless ends
Please don't let me fade away
... at least not... until some other day

Prance

2006

I see a world of color... don't you?
Of all sorts of moods.
All together it's a rainbow
shining together to rival the skies.

Though then I look upon where I stand
Where my life resides
And I feel like some manipulated fool
Living in this existence of blues...

I see openings in where I might escape
But I know that time is hand in hand with fate.
So when I become shrouded in this hue
I begin to prance as I think of you.

I see a world of color... in you.
Do you think, just maybe, I might have one too?
Until that day, when I get to play free
I'll just flutter and prance as I wait for thee.

Peace

2006

To learn...
To listen...
To love...
One must always remember to live
and take in the peace around them...

Prince Frosty

He is white when clean.

Not a food from a drive through.

He is my puppy. <3

Stray Thoughts

2008

Just thinkin' of you
from time to time...
Just thinkin' of us
in my mind...
Just missin' the days
of happy and fun...
Just thinkin' of you
while you're gone...

.: Forget :.

2008

Picture and poem dedicated to my friend ShenTao.

(Yes, it was only an outline and is hard to see.)

Forget torment...
it pangs my heart...
Forget sadness...
it brings the dark...
Forget the loneliness...
I know I'm not alone...
Forget the betrayals...
because there is someone that respects my trust...
I'll always remember you...
because you're my friend.

Memories

2008

When we met
I followed you everywhere.
When we were apart
I would think of the memories we share.
When you were hurt
I healed you the best I could.
When you were happy
I could feel my heart almost burst.
When you turned your back
I waited for you to return.
When you apologized
the pain still burned.
Once again you leave
but I have learned.
You can hate me all you want
but you'll always remember...
I loved you most.

Friendship

2008

Friends are people you can count on
the ones who hold you up.
Friends are giggles in a smile
enlightenment in a dance.
Friends are as bright as the moon
as playful as the stars.
Friends are the protectors of justice
they are the safety that holds you close.
Friends are the family that aren't related by blood
the missing holes in our soul.
Friends are the wisdom you seek
they are the inspiration from advice.
Friends are the best gift
because they don't have a price...

"What if" Book Introduction: Rev

    Lights. There were thousands of them in this city. Though, not one of them the lights he was specifically in search of.

    A sturdy man with messy azure hair let a heavy breath release slowly from his nostrils. Gray optics zoned out in the distance as his memory played the image of a serene woman of soft lights repeatedly in his mind. Regret washed over him as he renewed a sense of failure. Glancing down to a soft blossom of silver, blue, and black petals that clung to a white stem, he found himself holding back tears and despair. He wasn’t supposed to let his hand slip from her. He had promised himself to always be by her side, even if his love was never to be discovered.

    Rev’s fingers stroked the flower gently before lifting it up to his face. Its scent was calming; as if it forced the mind to recollect itself and aided its audience in sorting out their emotional and ideological battles. For the longest time he had been with the being of his vision; he had helped her understand what she was, what had occurred in her past, and even aided in the restoration of her home. Never did he realize that the woman would die upon completing the mission she had—just as he had never known that the person his heart fell for so deeply was, in actuality, a flower. She was somehow a creature and flora at the same time. This very plant in his hands had come from her palm.

    Slowly, the young man’s eyelids hid his vision from the world around him. His lips barely touched a kiss upon one of the petals; its chill reminded him of the temperature of her flesh.

    I’ll find you. I know I can.

    There was no answer in return to his mental message like there had been before for so long. The silence drew forth a pang of loneliness that attempted to echo into a ring. However, the male once again looked out across the lit city, letting his feelings wash away once more into neutrality. It was dangerous for him to dwell on any emotions. His personal control of his body and mind were important to him. Being careful not to fray or crush the small flower he cherished, he placed it within a satchel like pack that strapped across his chest.

    Getting down from the roof was simple. He merely had to climb down some fire escapes and jump down the last ten feet. The more difficult task was finding somewhere to stay for free. Wherever this place was that he had landed into, they had a strict law about homelessness. There were only a couple of shelters in the entire town, and they were maxed out. He did his best to look like he fit in with this society, but his ragged, dingy clothing were a dead giveaway.

    A matter of minutes was all it took for a siren to sound and for Rev to be surrounded by lizard-like beings with weapons fixated on him. “Whoa… Hey. I’m not trying to cause trouble. I’m only passing through.” The law enforcement snarled and spat as it used a language the unlucky male did not know. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand you. Do you have a trans- ARGH!” These shorter aliens didn’t understand and they did not like his attempts to communicate. The male fell to his knees after being stung in the spine by an electrified pike.

    Pain seared through his body, and the male felt a flare of energy rush through his veins. No… No. No. Gritting his teeth, Rev forced anger and his pain out of his mind. He would not let that bastard demon take hold of him… Never again would he let Dem run free with his body. There was another sear of pain from the back of his neck before his vision and train of thought both subsided into a dreadful suspension of consciousness.

.: Unedited :.

08/03/2009

Unedited, unchanged.
Still here, somehow sane.

Natalie Rae is my name.

Blankly in a Box

2006


Pain. Disgust. Sadness. Depression. Sickness. Air. Death. Memory. Games. Feelings. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Mornings. Afternoons. Evenings. Days. Weeks. Weekends. Months. Holidays. Tears. Smiles. Cries. Mourning. Living. Choking. Yearning. Disappointment. Anger. Missing. Finding. Journey. Fun. Fair. Betrayal. Trust. Honesty. Lies. Unhealthy. Sanity. Loss. Gain. Sunshine. Rain. Clouds. Trees. Grass. Ground. Bloom. Fall. Dark. Stars. Moon. Sun. Dank. Save. Behind. Like. Love. Dislike. Broken. Scattered. Ruin. Crave. Hurt. Deceit. Care. Gentle. Soft. Firm. Blood. Tissue. Pillow. Bed. Dream. Terror. Nightmare. Want. Boredom. Responsibility. Family. Health. Animal. Summer. Spring. Fall. Winter. DrPepper. Pepsi. Cream Soda. Arrowhead. Pen. Book. Mouse. Keys. Keyboard. Moniter. Speakers. Sound. Silence. Loneliness. Friend. Support. Spam. Itch. Cut. Scratch. Wound. Gash. Scab. Bruise. Swell. Pale. Weak. Daze. Maze. Said. Saying. Forget. Complexity. Simplicity. Strength. History. Past. Present. Signed on....

Thoughts. Random. Pondered

06/10/2009

Time. Slow. Fast.

We should make each moment of our lives last.

Mistake. Regret. Trust.

We must atone instead of arguing our wrongs to be just.

Beauty. Sin. Disgust.

Not everyone is misguided by lust.

Feelings. Happiness. Sorrow.

We need all of our emotions in order to make it until tomorrow.

Life. Thick. Thin.

You always have the choice to make things right again.

Friends. Old. New.

For the vast amount of people you meet today and tomorrow, the ones you'll know for a lifetime are very few.

Family. Love. Care.

It's never too hard to always be there.

Heart. Mind. Soul.

No matter what, these are under your control.

Hope. Moon. Stars.

Our dreams guide us near or far.

Battle. Destruction. Salvation.

The opposite of war is not peace, but creation.

Present. Future. Past.

We grow with each of life's obstacles; first to last.

I. Just. Be.

I am happy to just be me.

Close. Open. Door.

Everything that ends, starts something more.

Dictionary.com

02/16/2010

There for me always.
It backs me up all the time.
Thesaurus helps too.

BORDERS

02/16/2010

Quiet and noisy
It is both at the same time.
Best bookstore ever.

Heartache

02/14/2010

My heart feels heavy.
I miss you so much, my love.
Your silence hurts me.

Valentine's Day

02/14/2010

Happy Valentine's!
Such a stupid holiday.
Yet it's also sweet.

Searching

02/15/2010

Forever I roam
to find the one I adore.
They can't be gone yet.

A Dream of Light

A sigh echoed over the hush of the building’s hallways decant in ivory and limestone. Silver paint adorned its columns with such enchanting vines and foliage that their beauty was only rivaled by the originals upon the outer walls. The exterior architecture of the estate was marveling. Missing the décor of towers upon each corner, its image fell just short of a fantasy castle. With the glint of solar light, the clear glass glittered and the stained windows painted colors upon the clean floors of its interior. Hazel eyes observed the scenery through a clear window on the third floor. Chrissie’s heart reveled in the gorgeous greens of the meadows and trees. The abode was surrounded—wrapped in them like a present from Mother Nature herself.

Soft pink lips created a gentle smile that caused the woman’s cheeks to change shape. From afar, her complexion resembled that of someone in her twenties, however, once at her side—face to face—another ten to fifteen years of age were revealed. Her thick red-brown hair curled and bunched about her head, framing her face and shoulders. She wore a long, loose summer dress with a low back. It was made with white lace and pastel yellow fabric. Matching sandals sheltered her toes. Her fragile hand subconsciously pressed against the smoothed alabaster windowsill.

In a daze, the woman inhaled the air about her. She tried to imagine the smell of the fresh grass and the clean breeze that swayed the branches of the miniature forest outside. Her eyes wandered about the meadow. Its entirety was green—or it was before it changed. Her eyes caught sight of a white trail of flowers. Chrissie’s vocals released a chuckle while her eyes curiously traced it back and forth. It led her vision to a young, pale woman. This was unexpected.

Chrissie found herself staring at a clone of her younger self. Her face was framed by a sideways-parted bunch of violet-red hair. Awe ensnared the middle aged woman’s interest in the familiar looking stranger. Her azure optics radiated with a light that reminded Chrissie of stars in a night's sky. The breeze outside whipped the copy’s hair into a dance, but it did not cease her returned gaze. Familiarity bloomed in Chrissie’s mind even before the girl’s pale, purple lips parted for speech—before the wind assisted the journey of the guest’s soft whispers to her ears.

“I miss you, Mama.”

The tears that streamed down the daughter’s face glittered in the daylight. Chrissie’s other hand clenched her fingers to her breast. Her baby’s name—she aspired to remember it. As she watched, the girl below was also clutching her hands in front of her chest—her fingers curled around a silver necklace with a crystal pendant. Chrissie couldn’t stand there any longer. Her body moved for her. Footsteps echoed loudly down the stairs and across the ball-like corridor that led to the front entrance. Forcing the giant palace-like doors to part, she slipped past them and hastily sped down the front steps.

The green color of the meadow was fading; it took her a second to realize that it had mostly been replaced by blossoming white flowers. Those flowers must have followed her daughter to this meadow. Their smell intoxicated her with memories. Her mind rewound with every step she took towards her almost carbon copy. Birthday parties, drawings, and mother’s day poems flashed before her eyes. Dances, cries, and songs followed. Smiles, familiar faces, and a worn down house adorned with the comforting aura of home came to her. It was as though she was in several places simultaneously. However, no name came forth.

The younger woman did all she could to hold back from tackling her mother with a hug. Deep down, she knew her mother couldn’t hold her like she used to. There was a limit—a boundary that she was forbidden to pass. How blessed she was to be standing there—mere feet from the parent she took after in mind, heart, and spirit. Although, her mother’s silence brought her pain; the connection between them had been broken years ago by a force they could not conquer.

Yet there she stood—before her idol. It did not matter that her garments were only a t-shirt and pajama bottoms decorated with purple and blue Deceptions symbols. Nor did the salty tears that seeped in between her lips and dripped from her chin to her fingers; even the chilled lines down her neck did not bother her. They were of no importance in comparison to the being in front of her. Her mother was just as beautiful as she had remembered as a small girl.

“My baby…” Chrissie still tried for that name. Breathing in, she could smell her daughter’s scent. That pleasant smell of flowers and sweet fruit always brought her happiness. The breeze swirled it around her; it's frigid temperature easily chilled her thin blood and caused her to hastily heat her fingers by crossing her arms. Hazel eyes locked with bright blue ones. She searched again; the name felt as if it were on the tip of her tongue. “My beautiful daughter…” Those blue eyes were deep with love and mourning.

More tears trickled upon the girl's hands and slid between her fingers; the liquid eventually absorbed into the crystal pendant that they entwined around. As if on cue, the flowers began to glow with a light of their own. Slowly, as their light intensified, a more recent memory took hold of Chrissie. This one became clearer as the flowers illuminated the area.

Abruptly, her lungs tightened as the sound of her daughter’s voice lulled her. What was she saying? Dry—her lips were so dry. Her eyes were so heavy. The light blinded her from the trees and the mansion—even the sunny sky. Only the young mirror image that stood before her remained.

Frightened, the woman tried to cling on to what she could. Her weakened fingers found the feeling of cold white sheets and plastic tubes from her memory. That voice helped quell her fears—preserved her focus—as she kept her eyes open. So long as it was there, she knew she wasn't alone. Her gaze remained on her older daughter. Yes, she had two daughters. One was sixteen and the other was eight. This was her older child—this adolescent from her memory; this young woman standing before her. She was her angel—her and her husband’s ray of sunshine. These recollections brought her peace until the flashback lured a foul stench, which caused Chrissie to choke and wheeze. It was the smell of smoke—no—of cigarettes. Yes, this odor that burned her lungs originated from her own body. She was tainted with that smell most of her life until that night that she—

The dream faded and tears swelled and began their descent upon Chrissie’s cheeks. She recalled her death—the passing of time occurred to her. Five years had passed since then. The mother understood the pain in her double's eyes and the longing in her face. Her vision reverted to the field of lustrous flowers. A smile returned to her features. How appropriate it was for them to follow her baby—her child of light and hope—wherever she went.

“My dear, don’t mourn. Don't miss me. You know that I live within you.” Reaching out to her daughter, she now understood her boundaries and what the penalty for crossing them would be. But why must they obey such a restraint? “I love you so much.” Grasping her shuddering daughter in a tender hug, she whispered. “Don’t ever forget that, Natalie Rae.” Upon contact, the white floral light engulfed them and the dream ended.

Lah deh Dee

06/15/2009

Lah – deh – dee
Lah – dee – dah
I imagine you holding me
Your feeling soft
Lah – dim – dah
Dah – dih – dee
Although the distance between us is far
I always feel as though you’re beside me
Bah – dum – bah
Bah – dum – ding
Every time you cross my mind
I can’t help but find some rhyme I can sing
Doo – bee – loo
Lah – bah – dee
Everything you say or do
From this lonely darkness, your love sets me free

All and Every

06/15/2009

All the time
Every time
I feel happy that you’re mine.
All day
Everyday
I wish you weren’t so far away.
All month
Every hour
I still remember the first time you gave me a flower.
Every wait
All the while
You always make me smile.
All the love
Everyway
With you I’ll always stay.

Two days...

So here it comes,
the day all men dread.
It's creator certainly did not know what would come,
surely, somewhere, someone has his head.

However, here it is,
two days away.
Though, I'm not hard to please.
I'm a cheap date, they say.

Its obvious why.
I shouldn't have to tell.
Because you're the guy
who knows me so well.

Simple things please me.
You don't have to gift me on this day.
All I want, all I need
is your smile aimed my way.

Even though you're far away
my heart stays with you.
I'm working hard
so you can be happy, too.

So when you get the chance,
not stuck in a raid.
Type me a message,
and my day would be made.

I love you,
and I hope this brought a smile again.
I'm forever yours,
Ricky Smitherman.

Love,
Natalie Rae

A Premonition

College - Second Year - Jan 2010

Droplets. They are nature’s own version of suspension; it’s the pause for thoughts to rise in waves. Oh, how interesting our minds must be during conversations. Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Topics form cumulonimbus clouds plump with enough precipitation to flood the once stagnant page with blotches and puddles of details. Suddenly, a memory from a past experience becomes relative to the inquisitive thought process; it begins to slow time–to freeze awareness as questions rise higher in scale of importance as do water molecules rise in altitude and freeze in a raincloud. As more interpretations follow, they cause a collection of negative charge.

Crash. A lightning bolt travels abruptly along the chain of presumptuous concepts; it seems to flicker before fading as the mind does as it attempts to let troubles disappear into nonexistence. However, the built up tension turns to confusion and doubt. The storm delays, as if to contemplate if now are the select minutes of opportunity in which it should burst its bottled cap. It gains a second notion, as one can calmly meditate before a rush of inspiration, and decides that this function is necessary.

Droplets pit-pat once more, though now they are grouped in showers. They air is humid with energy, heated in motivation. Fronts collide, and the debate begins to dance and swirl. The wind speed quickens and the force of momentum heightens. A twister forms from the amount of low pressure, sucking the warm moisture to throw up into the extremities of the atmosphere. The liquid tornado builds strength and size as bottled frustration fluxes to rage. Light shows clash about and giant waves repeatedly crash into themselves. As more mass is absorbed into the spiral of emotion and self expression, it at some point breaks into the storm’s core.

This core is calm and serene. One could mistake it for a tranquil, clear, and sunny day. Although the storm’s purpose is quite threatening, the eye of the hurricane sees itself as collected, caring, and supportive; like a warm love. However, this small insight to an outsider is only temporary as the snap and crack of thunder welcomes them back to their imaginary issue.

The thundering boom causes me to wake with a start. As my vision reveals my plain surroundings, I am comforted by the soft caress of a cool breeze and the soft whispers of the wind as it skips through the long blades of grass. Soothing my heart to a smooth its pace once more, I lean back again against the trunk of my friend and recall the dream; I can’t help but ponder its meaning. What could it have originally represented? Something interrupts my train of thought as it splats against my cheek with a frigid temperature. Why, the sky is trickling rain. Droplets.

What is love?

High School - 2005

Love has no color
is not light nor dark
it makes up one's soul,
not just their heart.

Love has no boundaries
no limits to where it can go.
It finds you wherever you are
whether or not you even know.

It's a path that always leads ahead
on an unknown and not always easy path.
A journey we all must put our faith to its test.
An adventure that the cruel hearted never last.

Love isn't always something you can perceive
but something as unpredictable as life.
Found in family, friends, and some strangers
in Happiness and in Strife.

Love is nothing and everything
loneliness can eat one's soul.
The fear of mistake
could take one's sanity whole.

So take life how it comes.
Don't daydream or regret.
Share the now and your life
with all you have met.

Don't worry about the
"person just for you"
or you'll find yourself being stepped on...
by someone's shoe.

Live life to its fullest,
without making yourself the "fool."
And overall,
just be you...

Never

High School - 2005

Don’t try to be something you’re not; I can see through your act.
Don’t try to wear a mask; You don’t need to hide the beauty within.
Don’t be mad because they seem happier than you; The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Don’t demand something and then refuse it; Be grateful for what gifts you are given- The gift of thought.
Don’t fret over things others have that you don’t; Cherish what you already have before it fades away.
Don’t steal from others; No one deserves to lose anything they adore.
Don’t ignore your parents; They were once your age too.

And never ever ever say you hate your friends; Because if you do, you truly aren’t theirs.
And never ever ever forget who you are; You won’t exist if you do.
And never ever ever trade your life for a different one; You’ll never know how lucky you truly are until you lose everything you have.
And never ever ever end your life short; There are too many lessons in life to learn.

Lies

High School - 2005
Dedicated to my little sister.

When I said you drove me insane...
that you were a waste of time...
When I wished you never existed...
or that I had never met you...
All right, I may have lied...

When I told you I despised you...
that the sight of you made me ill inside...
And I told you that my life would
sound so much better without your name...
All right, I may have lied...

As we grew through a couple more years,
I said you were stupid for my stuff you tried to hide...
When you cried, I called you a wimp and to get away from me...
I told you that you weren't wanted- that no one cared about you...
All right, I may have lied...

Jealousy... Envy... such horrible things...
that influence words that never are what we truly mean...
I've learned this over years of loss, pain and cries...
Please, for all those hurtful things I said,
Forgive me, I lied...

Feast

High School - 2005

As I step to the flower
I hear roars
I think of how beautiful love, like flowers, can be.

As I breath in deeply the fresh night air
I smell foul play
I think of how love, like the air, is clean and fresh.

I walk atop the cliff to meet you
I feel unstable – It’s a long fall.
I think of how honest and caring love is.

I fill myself with faith of our love
I trust you to be the wind that allows me to walk upon the air
It is then that I see what my senses were always aware of
As I fall into your mouth of lupine ivories.